Gatherings

Back room conversations, hot gossip in the kitchen.  Everyone wants to be there, hanging out of an open door, smoking and listening at the same time. Multi-tasking, but not like the cooks.

Hangovers from the Eve outings the night before. Grinding of teeth round the table. Ungraciousness about table manners. Always in a foul mood when sober. Best kept topped-up.

Other families’ stuff, other couple’s stuff. Glancing round the room, hearing the sub context. Knowing who’s revealed an affair, who knocked some one out in a drunken rage, who needs a women’s refuge.

The years pass, people depart, couples split up, some put and shut up. Kids grow  and leave. Slowly there’s a movement to just you or just you two. Your memories are all good, bad and ugly. You wonder if new ones will come and they do. They are the same. The same scenarios of drunkenness, volatile tempers, pathos, comedy, tragedy. Love, not love.

Life’s a play. But I’ve done with rehearsing for the same one. And with that comes more loss. Loneliness is being in a room full of people, or in a relationship where love is rarely expressed, a friendship that goes round in circles, one you have grown out of. Loneliness is being there the day after and soaking up the aftermath.

In life be brave about decisions, about gatherings, people, and mostly about yourself.

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Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. – C. G. Jung

Hate begets hate. Love begets love. Said someone. It’s hard to love something you perceive as deserving of hate. It’s hard to love someone who is full of hatred. But when you see it and hear it, you can at least have a conversation. When it is covert, less so.

An old friend of mine says disarm people with kindness. Digging deep in order to be kind to those who spread hate is a conflict inside my head. I’d rather be kind to those at the receiving end of all the negativity abounding right now. Jo was a defender of justice.
Be a light giver. Be a lover of humanity. Of nature itself, she made us. One small gesture of love does wonders. It’s an energy, which collectively, envelopes the hate and reduces it. Sure, be angry, I get mad too. But let it go. Be loving more.
My first year of study on the peace course taught me this one little thing. War and all that comes with it, starts from our emotions. Our feelings, their festering. Their joining up with our thoughts. Yes, it is as simple as that. That’s where it all begins. With feelings. That is our one common ground across humanity. Emotions. We ignore them too often and try to rationalise all the time. Be in tune with your inner feelings at all times. Know thyself said the ancients. Make it so.
Know that you are as big on the inside as the universe is on the outside. There’s masses of room for love.

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Querencia

(n.) a place from which one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home, the place where you are your most authentic self

Here where my home is

My right is to live in it, in peace

My right is to live in it with rights given to me

Where I raised my child

Where my books are, my music, where diversity is in my mind and soul

I can take part in culture if I wish, I can bring culture if I wish

My home travels with me, in my soul

That’s how I was raised

You are as big on the inside as the universe is on the outside

Open and explore your inner self and the wider world

With real depth

There lies Querencia

Block out the naysayers, those who accuse you of things you have not done – that is their envy speaking. Those who can not accept your inner depths – that is their jealousy whispering. Be what your mother allowed you to be. Those who speak against you are without deep meaningful love.

I have learned that there are people who will use against you things you have told them, in confidence and in friendship. That they walked away when they should not have, always wanting materialism, not depth. And they are now left wanting for a life that they gave up, scrabbling for it before death comes.

My Querencia is all the better without them.

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